Communication Series Part 1: What is Communication?
Communication is the one area that even businesses large and small tend to get wrong, and therefore it is no surprise that communication in our personal lives can also suffer quite significantly. Before language existed, most communication was completed using some type of drawing and/or map and perhaps a “grunt” or two! According to a quick Google Search there are roughly 6,500 spoken languages in use today! With so many languages in the world, how are we supposed to improve our communication?
One of the best ways to improve our current level of communication is to not communicate (i.e. talk), but to LISTEN instead! This is of course the reason we were given two ears and one mouth; we should use our ears twice as much as we use our mouth. The need to be “heard” in this busy and loud world we live in has reached epic proportions. However, in the rush and desire to be “heard” we do not allow ourselves to LISTEN as others speak. Notice I did not use the word “hear” others speak, but chose the intentional act of listening instead. Generally, the words HEAR and LISTEN tend to be used interchangeably, but there is a distinct and important difference. Hearing will, for most, happen automatically and only through manipulation or old-age will we begin to not “hear” as well. Listening requires you to put forth effort and try to understand/comprehend the other person’s perspective and viewpoint.
By allowing yourself to listen to others first, rather than being “heard”, you can completely change the outcome of a discussion. This should not be confused with trying to silence your voice or not speaking your truth. I want every client to feel the power to speak up, but we also have to learn how to let others speak up as well. When we LISTEN, we allow our perspective to be challenged, and this is very difficult for most due to their ego and pride! Feeling the need to shout above your spouse/partner or demand that they do things “your way” can critically damage your relationship/marriage. I work with marriage counselors and pastors (pre-marriage counseling) to help couples understand how they currently communicate and what are some ways they can improve their communication.
If we can learn to take our ego out of a conversation and insert empathy and humility, we realize there is another human-being trying to communicate with us. By allowing ourselves to LISTEN to the other person, we can slowly start to understand their perspective and how they see the situation. This is a critical step that needs constant attention and development. For most people, it takes several weeks/months or even years to transition from hearing to LISTENING. This is a lot of effort to undertake and requires continual development. As a Financial Coach, I work with clients and professionals to help them see their default communication style(s). Similar to knowing your financial location once we know your default communication style, we can expand it and actively work on listening exercises!
Think of your ears as a muscle and the more we work your ears the better at listening you will become. It is a difficult task to truly listen to what another person has to say, but if we all have the desire to be “heard” then we must all learn how to listen properly. Since there are many facets to communication, I have decided to split these blog posts into a mini-series. Follow along as we discuss communication styles and how we, as humans, can finally start to LISTEN!
The word LISTEN contains the same letters as the word SILENT – Alfred Brendel
